A Funny Thing Happened In London
by SilverRose422
Summary: In which Darcy's been keeping secrets and is snarky, the UK brothers are mad, Alfred is a supportive boyfriend, Loki knows everything, and the Avengers are confused.
1. In Which Secrets are Discovered

Author's Note of Awesome: Look readers of mine! I updated! *Hides from rabid Speed Racer fans* But not what you all seem to want me to actually update. Oops. I know, I know. It's been several years. And you all probably thought I died. But I didn't! Uh, lesse...happy, nice, constructive reviews all get virtual cake from me. Flames will be used to make chocolate eclairs.

Disclaimer: Does. Not. Own. (Yet.)

General Story Note: Set after the Winter Soldier. Aforementioned Soldier will appear at some point. I will try to avoid spoilers for the select few that haven't seen the movie yet, but when I have to put spoilers in, at the top of the chapter, there will be a warning.

Chapter One

_In Which Darcy has an Argument, and England Sees a Familiar Face_

Darcy Lewis was, for all intents and purposes, a rather pretty young woman with a fiery temper to boot. She was best friends with one Phil Coulson, and Clint Barton, and tended to cause trouble with Loki. It was a rare occasion for her to ever be caught off guard, or for her to ever really lose it. But Tony Stark was really trying her patience.

"Y'know, Lewis, I think you're just trying to show off." Tony's calm voice went through her head, and Darcy heard Steve do a facepalm behind her.

"I'm not trying to show off," she replied hotly, shooting him a glare. "I'm just saying that if you were trying to impress her, you failed epically." She frowned as they walked past Big Ben.

He snorted. "What would you know about meeting royalty anyway?" Loki looked toward Darcy, curious about his friend's answer.

"Quite a bit," she muttered, distracted already. "Not that you'd believe me, but I've met Her Majesty before."

Clint choked on his coffee. "When was this?" He managed to splutter out as Phil pounded him on the back.

"Back before I met any of you," Darcy said, turning around and walking backwards. She gave them a grin, before running into a blonde man with deep emerald eyes.

"Bloody hell, watch it, will you?" He practically snarled out before taking a step backwards as he caught a glimpse of Darcy's face. "What?"

Darcy frowned. "I'm sorry sir. Wasn't lookin' where I was going I'm 'fraid." She studied him. "Is something wrong?"

He continued to stare at her. "No. No." He shook his head. "Sorry, you just looked like someone I know, that's all." He sighed. "But they've been missing a long time. It's too much to hope." He gave her a sad smile. "Sorry."

She smiled back. "Naw, it's totally my fault," she announced to him before turning away. Pausing for a moment, she turned back to him. "I hope you find her!" And then she was gone, off with her friends in tow to explore London.

England sighed. "So do I, lass. So do I." And he was off, heading to Buckingham Palace. Darcy was still in his mind when he reached the gates to find America waiting for him.

"Hey dude!" The younger man shouted, grinning at his former caretaker turned lover. He frowned at England's pensive look though. "Somethin' wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." His arms snaked around England.

To his credit, England only sighed. "It's nothing." America raised an eyebrow behind him, and England sighed. "It's just...well, I thought I saw _her_."

America's eyebrow rose even higher at his statement. "I thought she went missing?" He questioned his lover with a frown. "That she abandoned ya'll?" He thought for a minute. "I thought you didn't even like her!"

England shook his head. "It's not that, it's just...we never expected her to go missing!" He fumed. "That was never supposed to happen!" He groaned. "But now I'm getting all worked up about this lady who looks like her."

America sighed, and rubbed circles into England's back. "Hey. It'll be alright. She'll show up eventually," he told him. All England could do was nod.

* * *

Darcy was quite all the way back to the hotel, and nothing Loki, Clint, or Phil said could bring her out of it. Tony even went into her shared room with Natasha to apologize to her, but she still looked upset after shooing him away. So when Natasha sat down to talk to the other woman, she wasn't expecting much. So the assassin was mildly surprised when Darcy gave her a watery smile.

"Hi." The dark haired woman said softly, surprising Natasha, who sat down on the bed beside her.

"Hello." The assassin frowned. "What's wrong?"

Darcy chuckled sadly. "They must be desperate if they're sending you to try and make me feel better."

"They're not," Natasha told her softly. "But something's wrong with you."

She sighed. "I saw someone I knew earlier," she told the assassin who had become her friend. The other woman only raised an eyebrow, and Darcy sighed again. "It's just...he doesn't know that it's _me_," she finally burst out. "I love him, but he doesn't _know_."

Natasha eyed her silently for a moment. "Was this the blonde man with the eyebrows?" Her crying friend nodded sadly. "Why don't we go re-introduce the two of you, then?" She got up.

"NO!" Darcy's cry made Natasha stop. "No," she whispered. "That's the problem, Nat. He _can't_know."

Natasha crossed her arms. "And why not?"

Darcy groaned. "Oh, God Nat. I left him behind for a reason. Left all of them behind for a reason." She sniffed. "Besides, he hates me anyway."

At her words, the redhead sat back down on the bed. "Why does he hate you?"

Darcy sighed. "I knew him, when he was little. He's younger than me," she explained. "And for awhile, I took care of him. He never knew his father, and one day his mother just up and vanished. I took him in, he and his brothers, and helped them keep going." She sighed. "It doesn't matter now. His older brother, Alistair, he took all of them away when he was old enough. None of them are fond of me, particularly the youngest, Seamus."

Natasha frowned. "So you won't go back to try and get back onto good terms, and you lied to him as well?"

"Overheard that, did you?" The young brunette ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah. I lied to him. And I won't go back."

The Russian's frown deepened. "Why did you leave?"

Darcy shook her head. "Not gonna say. Sorry Nat."

"It's fine."

There was a sudden knock on the door. "Darcy, Natasha?" Steve's voice rang through the door. "If you two are hungry, we're going to get dinner."

Natasha looked at Darcy, who nodded once. "We're comin' Cap," she said, as she opened the door.

Steve looked from Natasha to Darcy. "Everything's alright?"

Darcy bit her lip, considered telling the man the truth. That she had lied to the blonde from earlier, that she was his caretaker. But she stopped. Natasha was one thing. Steve was another. "Where're we going for food?"

Steve shrugged. "Some pub, apparently. Tony saw it earlier."

The brunette nodded distractedly. "Right. Pub. Tony. Gotcha."

Steve and Natasha shared a look, but didn't comment. Instead, the simply led the way down to the lobby where the others were waiting. "Darcy!" Tony grinned. "Feeling better I hope?"

She shot him a grin. "Much. In fact, I'm feeling good enough to drink you under the table!"

Loki groaned from beside Clint. "Darcy, you know what'll happen..."

She waved him off. "Naw, I'll be fine!" She shot him a shit-eating grin. "When am I not?"

Loki muttered something under his breath that Darcy clearly heard, but choose to ignore instead. Clint rolled his eyes. "C'mon. What're we waiting for?"

Darcy laughed, and shoved Tony out the door. "Lead on, Stark!" So Tony lead the way down the street into a pub that Darcy recognized all too well.

"Hey, it's that Blonde from earlier," Clint muttered, and Natasha shot Darcy a look. In return, Natasha received a glare that would have put her six feet under, if that was possible.

"He's with some other guys," Tony pointed out. "Wonder what they're talking about."

"We could listen," Loki pointed out.

Darcy groaned. "Guys, really, that's rude..." But it was too late. Loki had cast a spell, and from their booth, they could hear everything.

"I swear, I saw her," the blonde was saying. "She was there, wandering around London with that group of your heros." His accusation was directed to a different blonde whose cowlick was defying gravity completely.

The redhead rolled his eyes. "C'mon Arthur. She's been missin' for ages now. It can' have been her."

"But it was," Arthur insisted. "I swear!"

The blonde with the cowlick nodded. "We looked it up on CCTV. Chick looked exactly like her."

Arthur shook his head. "Alfred never even met her, but even he could tell, over a grainy video no less!"

The finale blonde sighed. "They might actually have stumbled across her."

The brunette man sighed. "Why do we even care? She left us, Dylan, remember that? Just up and left. Abandoned us."

By now, the whole team was staring at Darcy. She simply pursed her lips and continued to listen. Arthur sighed. "To be fair Seamus, we didn't exactly do anything to make her stay. We acted as though we hated her."

"That's what siblings do," Seamus snapped back. "She's our older sister! She should never have left!"

Tony couldn't hold it in anymore. "You're their sister?!" He yelped this out, and the entire pub fell silent and stared at him. Slowly, Alistair, Arthur, Dylan, and Seamus all stood up and faced them.

Darcy groaned, and slammed her head on the table. Natasha, Steve, and Clint all tried to comfort her as Loki cancelled the spell, and Tony eyed the four men warily.

"So," Arthur began. "Just how long were you listening to our conversation?"

Tony whimpered. "Uh...all of it?"

Alistair cracked his knuckles. "Wrong answer, laddie."

They approached Tony, looking absolutely murderous, but stopped when Darcy spoke up. "Guys, stop it. He didn't mean any harm." She raised her head up off the table, and glared at them. "And so help me, if you hurt _any_ of them, I will kill you myself, and then vanish again. Somewhere you'll never find me." The glare increased. "But just tell me one thing. What you said, just a minute ago. About not hating me." She took a deep breath. "Was any of that true?"


	2. In Which Mistakes are Made

The Author's Note of Awesome: HA! HA HA! GUESS WHAT! I _**UPDATED!**_ For those of you that know me, this will come as a shock to all. For those of you that are reading their first story of mine, you're all probably very confused. I'm notorious for never updating. However, I'm BACK! And I come with an even greater sugar rush than before! So, you're all wondering: what is she doing? I'm here to tell you that I haven't the faintest idea.

Disclaimer: So, yes, I don't own Marvel. Or Hetalia.

General Story Note: So, I suppose I should now mention that I'm figuring out pairings. Because, I'm me, and I can't seem to write a decent adventure that is _just_ and adventure. So, I should warn you now. We are in stages of:

Pre Phil/Natasha/Darcy (in which Darcy is totally against everything because she's a _nation_, and in the end everyone leaves her)

Established Thor/Jane (even though Jane might not be making appearances, it needed to be said)

Totally Established-But-Not-Yet-Mentioned Steve/Tony (with little Peter in eventual Outtakes that I'm planning, because he's so _cute_! Plus, Crazy Aunt Darcy)

Already-Established-in-Chapter-1-But-Is-Being-Restated-Here England/America

Of course, there's going to be some Sweet North American Bros bonding with Aunt Darcy, plus Mexico. Because Mexico totally deserves some love. Eventual UK sibs bonding as well. Also, sibling fighting with the UK, and sibling fighting with Mexico and America. I think that's it? Clint and Loki are single. Actually, I'm thinking Clint's going to end up flirting with Mexico. And she's gonna punch him, but will flirt back.

Chapter 2: In Which the UK Brothers are Idiots, and Natasha is a BAMF

There is silence throughout the pub. The patrons are staring openly, and Darcy is frowning tightly. "Well? Did you mean it?" Her question is impatient, and when they don't say anything, she sighs, and mutters under her breath, "I thought not."

Natasha frowns at her. "Darcy?" She places a hand on Darcy's shoulder, but the brunette shakes her off, and faces the men who are, apparently, her brothers.

"Well," she's standing up smoothing out the skirt of her dark red dress, and they're all still staring. "It was nice to see you all again." Her accent has changed, everyone notes, but they don't say a word. Coulson's frowning quietly, and both he and Natasha are glaring at Tony and Loki.

Darcy turns on her heel, and leaves the bar, and the silence becomes so loud it's deafening. Natasha and Coulson share a quiet look, and Steve stands up, as if to go after her. He's pulled down by the redheaded Russian assassin. "Don't." It's Coulson that speaks, even though it's Natasha that's giving them all _The Look_. "Just, don't. She needs time." Steve gets a slight look of defeat on his face, but nods anyway.

Slowly the patrons begin to go back to their previous conversations. Arthur slides into the Avenger's booth. Alistair, Dylan, and Seamus all surround the booth. Arthur starts them off. "We need to talk."

No one notices Alfred leave the pub to go after Darcy.

* * *

Darcy is leaning on the railing, looking out over the Thames as the cool, English, night air washes over her when Alfred finally catches up to her. "Hey," the American says softly. "Darcy, right? Darcy Lewis?"

The young woman glances over the the much younger blonde beside her. "Unofficially, yes," she states softly.

America nods. "I'm sorry about what happened in there," he tells her softly, looking out over the water. "That was cruel of them." He shook his head. "Not telling you that they cared..." He raised his head to look up at the cloudy London sky. "I can't believe Arthur."

She snorts softly. "You sound like you know him well."

Beside her, her companion chuckles. "I should hope so. I'm his boyfriend."

Darcy sighs softly. "I'm his older sister, and it feels like I don't know anything. About any of them." She frowned sadly.

"You might know more than you think," Alfred told her. "All four of them tend to be short sighted." When she raised her eyebrow, he shook his head. "It's nothing."

Darcy huffed. "Don't you dare tell me it's nothing, young man. Something is obviously bothering you." She belatedly realized that she had slipped into her "Older Sister" voice, as Seamus had once called it, but America simply grinned at her, and pointed to the skies.

"I'm a pilot," he told her. "Not just a nation. A pilot, a scientist. I have several degrees, and a Phd in Astrophysics."

Darcy frowned, not quite understanding where this was going. "So you're intelligent."

"Mhm," he made a tone of agreement. "I try. Your brother, my boyfriend, on the other hand..."

Realization flooded the woman's eyes. "He thinks you're an idiot."

"Because of my presentations at the meetings," America agreed. "I tend to come up with these terrible, but funny ideas, not because I'm stupid, or because I don't care about the state of the world, but because there's no point. We have the meetings so we'll be out of our boss's hair for awhile."

"No one else sees it like that," Darcy murmurs. "I'm sorry," she tells him quietly. "That they're all so dumb."

He chuckles. "Most, but not all." At her curious eyebrow, he laughs again. "Maria; Mexico, she's pretty cool, even if she isn't fond of me. And Mattie, my brother, he's Canada. Everyone forgets about him, but he's awesome." The boy thinks for a moment. "Romano is South Italy. He's sees through my speeches about giant Global Warming Destroying Robots. And France will try to hit on you every chance he gets, but he's smart. So's Prussia, come to think of it."

"I thought that Prussia was dissolved," Darcy asked curiously, finally calming down, and happy to be in decent company.

"Oh yes," America told her. "He was. But he became East Germany instead." He grins. "Germany's cool, even if he doesn't understand that I can hold a decent conversation. He's generally the one that tries to control the meetings." He grins at her. "What about you? Who're your friends?"

Darcy hums. "Mine are interesting," she informs him. "I've got three Super Secret Agents of Doom, two Norse gods, and four genius scientists." America nods or her to continue. "Thor and Loki are the gods. Thor's pretty loud, but very nice," she tells him. "He was banished to New Mexico for a few days; that's how I met him. Loki's his adoptive brother. God of mischief, so he's pretty self explanatory."

Alfred raises an eyebrow. "Isn't he the one that was in Germany? The one the Holocaust Survivor stood up to?"

"Yeah," she told him. "Although, if he's telling the truth, that gentleman is currently living out the rest of his life without any constraints on money." She smiled gently. "Jane a Erik, they're scientists. The ones involved with the Einstein-Rosen Bridge. Bruce Banner does a lot of work with Gamma rays."

"I've met them," America told her. "Tony Stark as well. Erik, Bruce, and Jane are nice. Tony is...Tony."

Darcy laughs. "There is no other way to describe Tony," she mutters. "Clint, Natasha, and Phil are the secret agents. Well," she amends, "Not that secret anymore, since they brought S.H.I.E.L.D. down."

"Yeah," Alfred laughs. "Not so secret. They're still trending on Twitter." Darcy laughs, long a full, but Alfred's next words stop her cold. "Are you interested in any of them?"

She bites her bottom lip. "If I say no, would you believe me?"

"No." The blonde shook his head, and his cowlick fluttered in the breeze.

She gave a frustrated huff. "Yes, I'm interested. No, I will not tell you who I'm interested in. Don't pester me about it."

"Will you try to get with them?"

The brunette groans. "That's pestering!" America is silent, clearly still waiting for an answer. "Alright, fine! No! I'm not going to try."

"Why not?"

"They won't be interested," Darcy informs him solemnly. "Even if they were interested before, they won't be soon."

"You're going to tell them?" America looks surprised. "Really?"

Dacry made a face. "Not if I can help it," she said softly. "But they're going to ask questions."

"So you might tell them. And you're worried that your crushes won't want to be with you when they find out."

She turned to face him. "America, we're _nations_. Excluding each other, everyone around us dies."

The young man nodded. "This is true. But try to be optimistic. They might not care."

"Yeah," the woman mutters. "I guess." She stops leaning against the railing of the bridge. "I'm going back to my hotel," she tells him, before grabbing his phone out of his pocket, and typing something in. "That's my number. Secure line. If you ever need help, or just want to talk," she trailed off, and he smiled.

"I'll call," he said. "I promise." She begins to walk away, before he calls out. "You know we were never properly introduced."

She laughs. "I'm Darcy Lewis," she calls over her shoulder. "Republic of Ireland."

"Alfred. F. Jones," he calls back. "United States of America."

She turns around, and starts walking backwards, and waves good bye. He does the same, and walks away in the opposite direction. On her way back to the hotel, Darcy finds herself looking up at the night sky, to find that some of the cloud cover is gone, and she can see the stars. As the looks up at the diamonds that hand in the sky, she can't help but think about the words of a certain blonde American, and about Russian Assassins, and dangerous secret agents.


	3. In Which there are Explanations

The Author's Note of Awesome: Ok, so I know it's been awhile. *Hides in closet from rabid fans* I have a really good excuse. I've been asleep. For several months. *Fans raise torches* Okay, so not really. I have been busy. College applications people! They take forever. And then, I actually achieved college. But! I'm updating! Hm...so. Constructive happy reviews gain smiles, good karma, and my gratitude. Flames will be used for casting spells, making potions, and summoning evil things.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Story Note of Generalness: So, we went over pairing last time, I know. But I have made a few more executive decisions. First!

_Spain/Romano_ \- Because why not? They'll be making a few guest appearances in later chapters.

_Russia/China_ \- Again, they'll be making some appearances. Because we've got Nat, and we'll eventually get Bucky, so we're getting Russia as well.

_Canada/Germany_ \- So, yes, I understand that most go for PruCan. But, I read this really great fic called _Owning Up_, with fem!Canada and Germany, and I'm falling in love.

* * *

Darcy took a deep breath as she pushed open the door. The Avengers were all congregated in Steve and Tony's hotel room, waiting quietly as she walked in. Tony was the first to speak. "Blondie said that you had some explanations for us."

Nat frowned. "Arthur declared that he was giving you his full permission to explain everything."

Darcy snorted. "As if he needs to give me permission for _anything_." She sighed. "What do you want to know?"

Clint frowned. "How can you be their sister? You seem too young."

Darcy grinned. "I am a _lot_ older then I look. Older than those two even," she informed them all, gesturing to the two Asgardians. "And we're not exactly human."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "So...what are you then? Another alien race?"

Darcy stared for a long moment before tilting her head back, and laughing. "I don't think we count as aliens," she finally said. "We are, quite literally, the world."

Bruce frowned. "What?"

Darcy pursed her lips, and straightened herself out. "I am the anthropomorphic personification of the Republic of Ireland. The gentlemen you met were... _are_ my brothers. Arthur is England. Dylan is Wales, and as I recall, they're twins. Alistair's the oldest if you exclude me; he's Scotland, and Seamus is my youngest brother. Northern Ireland. The youngest." She hesitated. "I think Sealand's personified as well," she added, a question in her voice. "I left just before the War, so..."

Natasha frowned. "The War? Which war? Vietnam?"

Darcy laughed. "Nah, not Vietnam. That one wasn't even mine to fight. No," she sighed. "I mean the second World War."

Steve froze. "Why?"

The brunette standing before them felt her brow furrow. "Pardon?"

"Why did you leave?"

"I left because I didn't agree with what they were doing at the end of the first war. I left because when I spoke up, my brothers all said that because I was a woman, I had no idea what I was talking about. I left because I had to watch one of my friends suffer at the hands of my family." Darcy's voice had hardened. "I vanished because I was sick and tired of never having my voice truly heard, simply because I was a woman. I left with a reason, Steven Grant Rogers, and until today, I did not plan on going back."

Steve froze, and then bowed his head. "I'm sorry, Ms. Lewis. I meant no offence."

Darcy's shoulder's sagged. "I know, Steve. I know." She sighed. "Look, I'm going to bed, so..."

"Right," Phil managed, speaking up for the first time. "Everyone but Natasha, out." And he herded them all back to their rooms before bidding the women goodnight.

Natasha hesitated at the light. "Darcy. Are you sure you're alright?"

The other woman nodded. "I'm fine, Nat. I'm fine.

* * *

Darcy woke up to the sound of her cell phone going off, an unknown number of the screen. "Hello?" She groused out. "Who is this?"

"Darcy Lewis?" A familiar voice rang out. "It's Alfred F. Jones. We spoke last night?"

Darcy groaned. "I remember. What's up, kiddo?"

"Do you wanna meet Matt and I for brunch? Oh, and Maria."

"Brunch," Darcy mumbled. "Brunch with you, Canada, and Mexico."

"Yeah," Alfred said, his voice sounding a bit less perky. "I understand if you don't. I know I'm obnoxious, but I thought that maybe..."

"Alfred?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not obnoxious. Stop thinking that. Where?"

"Where what?"

"Where are we getting brunch?"

Alfred gave her an address where they were meeting, and Darcy drug herself out of bed. Natasha wandered in as she pulling her hair back, and raised an eyebrow. "Hot date?"

Darcy snorted. "Not likely. Bruch with North America."

Natasha hesitated. "As in, your North American counterparts?"

Darcy nodded, adding Alfred's number to her contacts, and grabbing her purse. "Got it in one, Nat." She looked up and smiled. "Don't look so upset. I'll be fine, so long as it's not my brothers."

Nat eyed her. "So long as your sure," the Russian said finally, and watched as Darcy left.

* * *

"Darcy! Over here!" Darcy wandered over to where Alfred was sitting with the people she assumed were Mexico and Canada. Sliding into the booth beside Alfred, she smiled at the other two.

"Hello," she said giving a little wave.

Alfred grinned. "Darce, this is my brother, Matthew Williams, from Canada, and my sister, Maria Sanchez, from Mexico. Guys, this is Darcy Lewis, nee Kirkland, from Ireland."

The other two nations blanched. "What," Canada managed. "I thought she was gone for good!"

Darcy shrugged. "I got pissed at my brothers after WWI, so I left."

Alfred scowled at his siblings. "We are not telling Arthur, or really, any of the UK, got it?"

Maria gave a feral grin. "Any reason to piss them off. You sure you're alright Al?"

Darcy whipped her head around to stare at him. "What happened?"

Alfred promptly shook his head. "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

"Arthur hit him last night," Matt spoke up, and Alfred scowled at him.

Darcy frowned. "I'm going to kill that self-righteous punk," she muttered, making a move to get up.

Alfred stopped her. "No! Please, no. I deserved it, I promise."

Darcy stared at him for a moment. "Alfred, kiddo, abuse is never acceptable."

Alfred shook his head. "It wasn't abuse."

Darcy sat down. "Kiddo, you know that it was," she said softly.

Alfred hung his head. "I know," he muttered, before giving the group a weak smile. "But I'll be fine. I always am!"

Matt shook his head. "Doesn't matter," he muttered. "You shouldn't have to go through that."

Maria glanced over at Darcy. "Now you understand why we're more than willing to let them rot in hell."

Matt snorted. "I saw how they treated you," he told Darcy. "And I know firsthand how Arthur treated his colonies. Why you decided getting together with him was a good idea, I'll never know," he directed the last part to Alfred, who sighed.

"Honestly, I'm regretting that." He shook his head before glancing at Darcy. "Have you met Peter yet?"

"Peter?"

Matt snorted. "Peter Kirkland, the Principality of Sealand. He doesn't really like any of his older brothers, and Berwald and Tino adopted him."

Darcy grinned. "Something tells me that my baby brother's going to love his oldest sister. Do you think they'd let me babysit?"

Maria let out a laugh. "I know they will."


End file.
